Volume One, Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Observer

“Ahhh, I’m so bored...” Mu Qing complained, her head wrapped in a bath towel, restlessly glancing at Mo De. Seeing he remained unmoved, she flopped onto the sofa, rolling over as she continued to whine, “So bored, so bored...”

“If you’re bored, why not go out for a walk?” Mo De didn’t even look up, continuing to slowly chew on his textbook.

At last, someone responded. Mu Qing hugged a cushion and rolled over to Mo De’s side, lying on the sofa and looking up at him, pressing further, “Is there anywhere fun around here?” Her bath towel slipped off, and her soft, jet-black hair fanned out, releasing a faint, intoxicating fragrance that teased Mo De’s nose.

“There is, and plenty,” Mo De said, unconsciously inhaling the scent as he finally set his pen aside, turning to look down at the restless Mu Qing sprawled beneath him.

“Where are they? Take me to see them sometime,” Mu Qing perked up at his words, brushing away the hair that fell into her eyes, revealing a smooth, bright forehead.

“But because of the lunar tides, all the scenic spots are closed.” Mo De chuckled and continued.

Mu Qing immediately realized he was teasing her, her cheeks puffing up in indignation. “Why are you so annoying!”

“When the tides are over, I’ll take you around. Compared to the summer everyone seems to love, I actually think the city is even more beautiful in autumn and winter.” Closing his book, Mo De decided to rest a while as well. After all, balancing work and relaxation was the key to efficient studying.

“How long will that take... I’m really, really bored...” Mu Qing reached for a bag of chips from the coffee table, tearing it open and munching dejectedly. “And you’re going out again tomorrow. I won’t even have anyone to talk to...”

“Not only will you have no one to talk to, but there’ll be no one to cook for you either. I might not come back for lunch tomorrow,” Mo De stretched as he spoke.

“Then what am I supposed to eat?!” Mu Qing rolled over and sat up, crossing her legs and fixing her gaze on Mo De.

“Don’t you know how to cook?” Mo De seemed a bit surprised.

“I do, but I won’t eat what I make,” Mu Qing replied with utter seriousness. Mo De was speechless; it was the first time he’d met someone who could so righteously declare their own kitchen disasters.

“What are you going to do tomorrow? Meeting some girl? Is it the one from when we first met? You’d rather let me starve for another woman—how heartless you are...” Mu Qing flopped back onto the sofa, launching into her own dramatic monologue.

“It’s not a date, and she’s my class monitor, don’t make things up,” Mo De said, a little exasperated, as he picked up the bath towel that had fallen and tossed it into the laundry basket.

“Then what are you going to do?” Mu Qing pressed, unwilling to let it go—she wanted to know what could possibly be more important than cooking for her.

You’re just skipping one meal, but I’m missing a whole lunch! Aggrieved, she dumped the rest of the chips into her mouth, then got up and headed for the fridge.

“Three ground rules—” Mo De began, but Mu Qing cut him off.

“I never said I had to go with you. If you don’t want me to, I won’t go. I’m just bored and asking. You want cola or Sprite?” Her little white feet padding across the floor, Mu Qing opened the fridge and glanced back to ask Mo De what he wanted to drink.

“Green tea,” Mo De replied. “All you ever do is eat and sleep. Seems you’re not as bored as you claim.”

Tossing him a bottle of chilled green tea, Mu Qing leaned against the fridge door, tugged the tab on her can of cola, and sighed, “You’re not me—how could you know how bored I am? Just tell me what you’re going to do tomorrow.”

Mo De hesitated; there were things he wanted to say to her, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Look at you, all wishy-washy. If you don’t want to say, I won’t press. But if you have something to say, just say it—I’ll listen,” Mu Qing smiled, sensing his inner struggle, her tone gentler than before.

Mo De sighed, finally deciding to be honest about why he didn’t want her to come along.

“Do you know why I don’t want to take you with me?”

“Is it because I’m too pretty and attract too much attention?” Her gentle act lasted less than three seconds before Mu Qing broke into a mischievous grin. But seeing Mo De’s darkening expression, she quickly sobered. “It’s for secrecy, right? Actually, you don’t need to worry about me leaking anything. I just want to know what’s going on, unlike my silly brother; I’d never let anything slip...”

“That’s not the only reason.” In truth, Mo De trusted that Mu Qing wouldn’t betray him—not just because of her connection to Li Changsheng, but also because of the time they’d spent together. He trusted his own judgment: this person beside him was worthy of trust.

But he didn’t want to rely on anyone anymore.

“Since I met Li Changsheng, I’ve been under his protection up to now. When he was around, all I had to do was focus on the task at hand and I had nothing to worry about. I started to take that for granted, to get used to having someone to rely on.” Seeing Mo De, unusually talkative, Mu Qing returned to the sofa, quietly listening.

“To me, even though Uncle Changsheng could be unreliable sometimes, he was really capable of anything. Every time we went out on a mission, no matter how dangerous, I never felt the threat of death, because he was there beside me. Whether I was gravely injured or failed, someone was always there to clean up the mess. It sounds ridiculous—like having some kind of overpowered cheat available at all times.” Mo De’s lips curled, but his eyes were devoid of laughter.

“Until the day he left, I’d never really thought about what I’d do if he wasn’t there anymore. I was so used to relying on him to solve every problem. But now, he really is gone.”

“It wasn’t until the Autumn Hunt, when I faced the Mist Spider Spirit again and death crept closer with every step, that I realized what all my previous battles had been missing. Without fighting to the death, it’s all playacting. My tough body, my newly awakened metal ability—they’re all laughably weak in the face of true power. I’m just too weak.”

‘Never rely on anyone—always believe in yourself.’ That was the last lesson he taught me. I trust my own judgment, so I choose to trust you, to let you stay. But I don’t want to rely on you, to rely on someone as powerful as you as a safety net while I carry out my tasks. If I’m certain I won’t die, how much can I really grow from a fight that lacks the threat of death? And if one day, someone even stronger than you shows up and defeats you, what will weak, ant-like me do then?”

“I want to become stronger. I want to become someone others can depend on, like Uncle Changsheng. So I don’t want to rely on others anymore. I trust you not to leak information, and I know you’d be a powerful ally—but if I relied on you, with such an unstoppable helper, I could sweep aside most troubles. But it still wouldn’t be my strength. I’d still be the same weak self.”

“Although I hate recalling my past before the age of nine, hate returning to that hell of loneliness, I have to admit—back then, I was willing to do whatever it took to survive.”

“Death is like a tide, pushing people forward. You might get swallowed and torn apart if you’re not careful, but I’d rather that than muddle through life in someone else’s safety cocoon. I want to step out of that protection and truly live in this world.” His words finished, the tea had cooled.

“I understand now.” Mu Qing traced her finger lightly across the can, droplets of condensation gathering and running down in slender streams.

“My existence, to you, is probably like a second Li Changsheng, which makes you feel less at risk, doesn’t it?”

Mo De nodded slightly.

“Then the answer’s simple. From now on, if you and I go out together and run into a crisis, I’ll just stand back and not help you.” Mu Qing took a swig of cola, belched, and said.

“It’s not about whether you help or not, it’s just—if you’re beside me, I...” Mo De was a bit at a loss—what kind of logic was this girl following?

“Always expecting someone to bail you out is a bad habit Li Changsheng drilled into you—we’ll just work on fixing that. I’ll go with you as an observer; even if you’re completely doomed, even if you die, I won’t step in.” Mu Qing’s tone was light. “At most I’ll choose a nice burial spot for you, then quietly wait for blackfire to consume me, too.” There was humor in her words, but through the tint of her sunglasses, Mo De could see the seriousness in her eyes.

“I won’t lie to you. I can watch you die, and I mean what I say.” Her voice was calm, yet resolute.

“Of course, that’s just my promise. I won’t block any danger from coming your way. Since you’re ready to face death, what right do I have to refuse it for you? My role’s nothing like Li Changsheng’s. Adapting to that may take some time, so whether you want me with you on missions is still your call.”

“The ground rules still stand: if you don’t want me there, I won’t follow you. Do you understand now?” Mu Qing approached, bent over, and pinched Mo De’s cheeks, giving them a good rub.

“I’m not here to play nanny, just to observe. Don’t worry about me interfering with your growth. I just want to stay by your side and broaden my horizons. Besides, to me, you’ve already begun to grasp the true meaning of that final lesson—there’s no need for you to depend on anyone anymore.” Mu Qing teased him again.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it...” Dodging Mu Qing’s hands, Mo De rubbed his cheeks and moved aside, lost in thought.

Mu Qing said nothing more, simply sat cross-legged nearby, chin in hand, watching the boy sink into contemplation.

Mo De realized what most needed changing was his own habitual reliance on others.

“What do you want for dinner?” With his mind clear, Mo De no longer hesitated, getting up and heading toward the kitchen.

“Huh? I’d like spicy crayfish with pork knuckle soup and...wait, why are we suddenly talking about dinner?” Mu Qing was a little dumbfounded, but still obediently listed off her favorite dishes.

“I’ll tell you what I’m doing tomorrow after we eat,” Mo De said, tying on his apron and flashing a smile at Mu Qing before disappearing into the kitchen.