Chapter Thirty-One: Beef Offal Hot Pot—Please, Everyone, Dig In
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A note detailing how to prepare hot pot was sent to the Imperial Kitchen, leaving every chef there utterly dumbfounded.
“This... this can really be eaten?”
By then, they were no longer wondering whether it would taste good, but whether it could be eaten at all.
The chief steward stared at the note for a long while, his features almost twisted into a knot. Finally, he gritted his teeth and said, “Er... it should... probably be edible?”
“Good grief! Every dish we submitted was rejected by His Majesty. He said that this time he wanted to prepare a true delicacy of the mortal world! Who would have thought this was what he meant?”
“Who knows? This thing... however you look at it, it can’t possibly taste good!”
“We simply don’t understand the world of the wealthy...!”
The note made its way around the entire Imperial Kitchen. Every imperial chef who saw it shook his head, declaring that he had never prepared anything like it.
Left with no alternative, the chief steward ordered, “Prepare the ingredients exactly as the note says!”
“That’s easy enough! But once it’s done, are we sure we’ll still have our heads?”
The imperial chefs rubbed their necks, deeply uncertain.
“Don’t worry. We’re only carrying out the instructions on the note!” the chief steward assured them.
“In that case, let’s do it!”
The chefs answered in unison and immediately got to work.
Clang, clang, clang...
Whatever needed chopping was chopped, and whatever needed washing was washed. Preparations began at once.
...
The banquet was to be held at Huayang Hall.
Toward evening, the palace gates opened, and the civil and military officials entered one after another.
“I heard His Majesty say at morning court that he would let us sample something new today. Could it be that the palace has acquired a highly skilled new imperial chef?”
“I have no idea! But His Majesty seemed so confident, he must have tasted it already. We can simply wait and enjoy the feast along with him!”
“Indeed! I was so eager for tonight’s meal that I skipped lunch altogether!”
“Haha, so did I! Today, we shall broaden our horizons...!”
The officials entered cheerfully and followed the eunuch guide toward Huayang Hall.
Yet the farther they went, the more something seemed amiss.
“Old Lan, don’t you think there’s a strange smell in the palace?”
Xu Da, walking at the front, rubbed his nose and asked Lan Yu suspiciously, wondering whether he had mistaken the scent.
Lan Yu frowned and nodded repeatedly. “Yes, I think it smells strange too! I thought it was just the stink of my own sweat.”
“No! It isn’t sweat. It smells more like... cow dung!”
Even Xu Da found the idea impossible as soon as he said it.
This was the imperial palace. They could not even see a cow here, much less cow dung!
And yet the smell was unmistakably like cow dung.
“Stop talking nonsense. How could there be cow dung here? And how could it stink this badly? It would take an enormous amount of it!”
Lan Yu waved his hands, insisting that it was impossible.
Just then, the officials behind them began covering their noses with their hands as well. Clearly, they had all noticed the strange odor.
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The smell grew stronger and stronger.
By the time they arrived at Huayang Hall, the entire grand hall was enveloped in a dense, foul stench.
Only then did the officials notice that every redwood round table held a pot.
Inside each pot, pale green broth was boiling. Steam filled the hall, carrying an unbearable stench with it.
“Ugh...”
“Ugh...”
Some officials could no longer endure the smell. Covering their noses, they rushed to the corner and began vomiting.
Lan Yu, Xu Da, and the others had witnessed many grand occasions. Apart from their tightly furrowed brows, however, they showed little reaction.
“What... what is going on?”
“Didn’t His Majesty say he was hosting a banquet? Surely he doesn’t expect us to eat this?”
“Can this... really be eaten?”
They had not vomited, but the contents of the pots still made them feel sick.
While everyone was puzzling over the situation, Yun Qi, one of Zhu Yuanzhang’s attendants, came over with his nose pinched and delivered a message.
“His Majesty says that he must first visit the Empress. He will be here shortly. In the meantime, the honored gentlemen may make themselves comfortable.”
As soon as he finished speaking, he hurried out of Huayang Hall.
He gulped down fresh air and stood there for quite some time before going to Kunning Palace to report back.
Ordinarily, allowing the officials to begin eating first would have been a good thing.
They would not have to stand on ceremony; they could chat and drink as they pleased.
But this time, everyone glanced at the emerald-green broth in the pots, then at one another, their expressions growing uglier by the moment.
Some even wondered whether His Majesty had taken offense at them and intended to poison them all.
Since the emperor had given the order, they had no choice but to take their seats one by one, however reluctant they were to approach those foul-smelling pots.
Fresh ingredients had been placed on the tables.
No explanation was necessary. They were clearly meant to be cooked in the broth.
The officials sat stiffly in their assigned places, staring like wooden puppets at the stinking pots. Not one of them could bring himself to lift his chopsticks.
Several dozen people filled the hall, yet no one made the first move.
Li Shanchang spent a long while steeling himself before speaking first.
“Well... perhaps it only smells bad. It may actually taste quite good. I shall set an example for everyone.”
He picked up a slice of meat and placed it into the pot.
For a long moment, his raised chopsticks hovered there, refusing to descend.
The civil and military officials held their breath, breathing as little as possible.
Every eye was fixed upon him.
After hesitating for quite some time, he finally fished out the slice of meat, only to hesitate again before putting it into his mouth.
There was no helping it. The smell was simply too overpowering.
It was almost impossible to swallow.
After a long struggle, he hardened his heart, closed his eyes, and tossed the meat into his mouth, swallowing it as quickly as he could.
Whether it was scalding or not was the least of his concerns.
He even gave a thumbs-up to reassure the other officials.
“Mmm! Delicious!”
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“Ugh...”
Yet the instant he finished speaking, he rushed out and began vomiting.
He could not help it. His body had been far more honest than his words, and he simply could not hold it in.
After witnessing his reaction, the others were even less willing to touch their chopsticks.
All they could do was endure the stench and wait for Old Zhu to arrive.
Perhaps Yun Qi had returned and reported the situation to him. In any case, not long afterward, Zhu Yuanzhang strode hurriedly into Huayang Hall.
Amid the overwhelming stench, his ministers sat in perfect formation.
Zhu Yuanzhang stamped his feet in fury.
“Bring every imperial chef here!”
“Yes, Your Majesty!”
The guards immediately went to carry out the order.
Before long, they returned, herding several dozen imperial chefs with them.
“Your Majesty, please forgive us...”
The chefs trembled from head to toe and dropped to their knees, begging for mercy.
“You... what in the world have you prepared for me?”
Zhu Yuanzhang pointed at the broth in the pots, looking as though he wanted to have the chefs skinned alive.
He had originally intended to reward the officials with a fine meal, so they would be encouraged to devote themselves to the campaigns ahead.
Instead, he had humiliated himself beyond all measure.
“Your... Your Majesty, we... we prepared everything according to the note you gave us!”
The chief steward of the Imperial Kitchen knelt on the floor, trembling like a leaf as he stammered out his reply.
“Impossible! The hot pot I tasted was fresh, fragrant, and delicious. It was absolutely nothing like this!”
Zhu Yuanzhang roared, his neck bulging with anger.
“Your... Your Majesty, the note is here. Please... please examine it!”
The chief steward had anticipated that something like this might happen and had brought the note with him.
One look at the crooked handwriting was enough for Zhu Yuanzhang to recognize it as the work of his seven-year-old grandson.
“Ox-stomach hot pot...!”
He managed to read the first four words aloud, but could not bring himself to continue.
The instructions called for taking the undigested contents from a cow’s stomach and small intestine.
Then the juices were to be squeezed out...
He had begun gagging the moment he read that far.
How was this a meal for the ministers?
It was plainly an invitation to eat dung!
That little brat...