Chapter 35: Burden

At this moment, I saw two infant spirits, each wearing a red bellyband, lying on my shoulders. They seemed to notice that I could see them, and both grinned mischievously, sticking out their tongues at me. Around my waist, another infant spirit clung to me with its tiny hands and feet, sound asleep. These three infant spirits were released from cat bone jars earlier this morning when I performed the ritual. Now, they were all lingering on my body, no wonder I felt so heavy. Since I had borrowed these spirits from Granny Wan, I felt a bit relieved once I realized what was weighing me down, and I had no intention of confronting them.

Granny Wan had told me that, after the ritual, the three infant spirits would return to their jars of their own accord. Yet now, they remained on me, unwilling to leave. Had something unexpected happened?

That evening, after Pi Lin’er finished dinner and went back to school, I strapped the three cat bone jars onto my back and went to find Granny Wan. When she saw me hunched over, gasping for breath as I reached her door, a look of surprise flashed across her face. She blocked my way and scolded fiercely, “You little rascal, do you believe I won’t thrash you?”

I was stunned, thinking she was chastising me, and looked up at her in confusion.

Sure enough, Granny Wan grabbed a peach wood whip from inside and came out, striking my shoulders and waist three times. Instantly, the heaviness lifted from my body as if a burden had been removed. At the same time, I heard the plaintive cries of infants, so aggrieved it made my heart ache.

“He’s not your father! Go home, or I’ll whip you all myself!” Granny Wan’s expression grew even fiercer as she raised the whip again, threatening another strike.

I could clearly feel the three jars in my backpack grow heavier, and the crying vanished without a trace. The three infant spirits must have returned to the jars. Granny Wan then looked up at me, her gaze suspicious. “Xiao Xi, have you ever gotten a woman pregnant, or made someone have an abortion?”

I shook my head and said that nothing of the sort had happened. Seeing her odd expression, I asked, “Granny Wan, what’s going on? Why were those little spirits clinging to me?”

Granny Wan took out the three cat bone jars from my backpack, dropped a few pieces of candy into each, sealed them with red cloth, and placed them back on the cupboard before turning to me. “Each of these jars holds the spirit of a miscarried infant, ones who never felt the love of a father or mother before leaving this world. The reason those three were stuck on you just now is because they mistook you for their father. There’s only one explanation for this: you’ve been the father of a miscarried child, or you’re about to be…”

Could it be Xu Yingying?

Bai Xiaoli had told me that Xu Yingying once came to her, saying that she and I had a child together. Combined with today’s events, it seemed what Xu Yingying said might be true. She really might have a child, and believed I was the father.

Granny Wan urged me to think carefully, asking if, during university, I’d ever spent the night with a classmate without protection, and maybe the girl got pregnant and had an abortion without telling me.

Fortunately, I’d devoted myself to my studies in college, never had a girlfriend. Otherwise, with Granny Wan’s words, I might have doubted whether I had a child somewhere.

I shook my head firmly and told Granny Wan about Xu Yingying. Her wrinkled face grew solemn. She dragged me inside, leading me to a remote corner of the room where a water jar sat, filled with black water that had a strong medicinal odor. I had no idea what it was used for.