Chapter 42: Only Bewildered at That Moment

Though Crescent Pavilion was a small courtyard with few people, it was always filled with vibrant blossoms, the chirrup of birds and the hum of cicadas, and, with the easygoing son-in-law and several maids, it usually brimmed with the warmth of everyday life.

But now, with the son-in-law gone, the courtyard seemed to have lost its vitality; even the petals scattered among the flowers no longer looked as beautiful as they once did.

“Miss, why have you come over?” Caiyun, who had been sitting on a small stool lost in thought, saw Shen Yanxi enter and hurried to her side.

“I just wanted to come and take a look.”

Shen Yanxi did not linger, but walked slowly past Caiyun.

She let her gaze roam over every flower and blade of grass in the little courtyard, and it was as though she could see Lu Jin’s figure lingering in every corner—lying in a chair to bask in the sun, writing poetry in the study, and so much more…

What else did he do each day? She realized, with a pang, how little she truly knew. She had done so poorly by him.

At this thought, Shen Yanxi’s eyes grew wet, flooded with guilt and remorse.

She knew that she and Lu Jin did not share profound affection; that simpleton even often avoided her. But the fact remained—she was his wife.

Once she’d figured things out, she had never given up on Lu Jin—unless he truly was the worst sort of man, rotten to the core.

But thinking back on their intermittent days together, how could he be such a person? That man, who shone so effortlessly, was like a pearl in the night, dazzling in a way he probably didn’t even realize himself.

How could she possibly give up on such a man? Though their relationship was awkward, he was her husband, after all!

She could only blame herself for not cherishing those days, for being too willful, for not doing enough.

Shen Yanxi walked on slowly, letting her fingers drift lightly over everything, as if searching for traces of the warmth Lu Jin had left behind.

Sitting silently behind her, Siqin and Caiyun saw their mistress moved by the memories of the place, her eyes misting over. Their hearts ached even more. Damn those river bandits!

Shen Yanxi reached the study and gently pushed open the closed door.

Inside, everything was arranged with meticulous order, the desk spotless.

She cast her gaze around and realized how bare the furnishings were. There were hardly any books—even though he was a scholar…

Suppressing the sting in her eyes, she walked to the desk and saw a sheet of white paper placed face down.

Removing the paperweight, Shen Yanxi picked up the sheet.

The moment she read the title—“A Farewell Letter”—her mind exploded in a thunderous blank. All her emotions vanished, leaving only a boundless emptiness.

Siqin and Caiyun saw their mistress suddenly sway and hurried to support her.

“Miss… Miss…” Siqin called anxiously, wondering what on earth her mistress had seen.

…

In a daze, Shen Yanxi felt someone calling her name insistently. After a long while, her vision cleared enough to see Siqin and the other servants standing before her.

“Yes, what is it?”

“Miss, what’s wrong? Please don’t scare me. Are you feeling unwell?” Siqin was nearly in tears.

As her awareness gradually returned, Shen Yanxi finally recalled where she was—and the letter still clenched in her hand.

“I’m fine. All of you, please leave. I want to be alone for a while,” Shen Yanxi said quietly, her head bowed in anguish.

“If you need anything, just call for me. I’ll be right outside,” Siqin replied, torn with worry but knowing her mistress’s temperament; at a time like this, there was no use in disobedience. She quickly ushered Caiyun and the other servants out.

Shen Yanxi moved to sit in a chair, and only after calming herself did she unfold the letter again.

“The crimson string is snapped, the bright mirror cracked,
Morning dew dries, the fragrant season fades.
White hair’s lament, the pain of parting.
Each to their own peace, think no more of me.
The river flows on and on—
With you, I bid a final farewell.”

Each word stabbed into Shen Yanxi’s heart like a blade, leaving bloody marks.

Her fingers gripped the paper so tightly they turned red, as if the thin sheet might crumble at any moment.

Recalling Yuanfang’s words, she suddenly understood: he had long since planned to leave the Shen family. Yuanfang had only assumed, based on Bai’s disappearance and the turmoil in town, that Lu Jin had been kidnapped as well.

But whether he had truly been kidnapped was now uncertain. Perhaps he had left long ago.

Tears spilled down Shen Yanxi’s cheeks, soaking the paper in her grasp.

Why? How could you be so resolute? Did you not feel even the slightest reluctance to leave?

If this is truly what you wanted, then I hope you live well—take good care of yourself.

In the future, perhaps you’ll meet a woman as beautiful as a flower. You’ll marry, have children, and find happiness for a lifetime. You’ll…

Shen Yanxi felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She lifted her head, but the tears kept falling, though she dared not sob aloud.

This feeling could only become a memory—at the time, it was only bewilderment.

…

After a long while, Shen Yanxi finally stopped crying.

She carefully folded the letter and clenched it in her palm.

No one else could know of this. If her father found out, he would fly into a rage and seek trouble with Lu Jin.

And if Lu Jin had truly been kidnapped by the river bandits, then all hope would truly be lost.

Composing herself, Shen Yanxi left the study.

“Miss…” Siqin looked worriedly at her mistress’s swollen eyes.

“Let’s go back…”

Without waiting for a reply, Shen Yanxi walked out, and Siqin hurried to call the other servants to follow.

Crescent Pavilion returned to its peace. Even the few leaves drifting down from the trees seemed tinged with sorrow and melancholy.

-----------------

Shen Residence, Stream Garden, Cloudview Tower.

Since returning from Crescent Pavilion the day before, Shen Yanxi had not spoken a word.

She either sat in silence, lost in thought, or played the guqin ceaselessly—piece after piece, yet none sounded right.

Others might not realize, but Siqin and the other maids understood: she was playing the tune the son-in-law had performed just days before.

Yet even a musical prodigy like their mistress could not perfectly recall a piece after hearing it only once. Besides, her heart was in turmoil, and she was merely torturing herself with endless repetition.

The reception hall on the first floor of Cloudview Tower was filled with people, but none could persuade Shen Yanxi.

“What have we done to deserve this? From yesterday until now, Xi’er has not taken a drop of water. What on earth is happening?” Zhou Manyun wept into her handkerchief.

Sitting beside her, Shen Hui and the other women tried gently to comfort her, but their hearts were filled with helplessness.

They had all tried to speak with her, but she listened to no one. Never had anyone in the Shen household seen Shen Yanxi like this.

“Xi’er is still counting on you, so don’t make yourself ill from crying…” Aunt Bai Xueyao held Zhou Manyun’s hand in comfort.

“If anything happens to Xi’er, I won’t go on living, either…”

“What kind of spell has that live-in son-in-law cast on her, that he’s stolen away her very soul?”

“Enough, what’s the use of talking like this now?” Sitting to one side, Shen Hao felt his head spinning and his heart in turmoil.

No one knew that Shen Yanxi had read Lu Jin’s farewell letter. They all believed her sorrow was due to his abduction, that she was merely overwrought with worry.

Still, it baffled them. The pair had been married barely a month and had not even shared a room. How had things come to this? Could it be that Lu Jin truly possessed some kind of occult charm?

Shen Yanxi was a noble daughter of a renowned family, well-educated and resilient. She was not one to collapse at the first sign of trouble. Even after learning of Lu Jin’s supposed abduction, though anxious and upset, she still clung to hope.

She believed that there would be a way—whether the bandits demanded ransom or the authorities intervened, eventually he would return.

But Lu Jin’s farewell letter had struck like a knife, shattering all her strength into pieces.

Only when something is lost does one realize its value; only when it is torn apart does one see its beauty. This was true for Shen Yanxi, and for Lu Jin as well.

“Mother, why have you come?” Shen Hao was startled to see his mother enter the room and hurried to his feet.

The room was instantly in an uproar, with aunts and cousins all rising to pay their respects to the matriarch, alarmed that even she had been disturbed.

“Hmph! If I hadn’t come, how much longer would you have kept this from me? You haven’t even managed to find the man—some head of the household you are!” She rapped her cane forcefully against the floor.

Shen Hao hung his head in silence.

“I’m going to see Xi’er. None of you follow me. I’ll settle accounts with you all later,” the old lady declared with a snort, ascending the stairs with the help of her maids.

Upstairs, Shen Yanxi sat woodenly on the couch as her maids tended to her fingers. Such delicate hands were not meant to endure this kind of abuse; as the maids wiped away the blood, they wept silently.

“My dear Xi’er, Grandmother has come to see you.” The old lady hurried over, her heart aching at the sight of Shen Yanxi’s state.

Seeing her grandmother, Shen Yanxi tried to rise and speak, but her body felt as though it were petrified, and she could not utter a word.

The old lady strode to her side and wrapped Shen Yanxi in her arms.

“Xi’er, you mustn’t frighten your grandmother like this. For all things, you have me to rely on. Rest assured—even if I must turn Jiangzhou upside down, I will bring your husband back to you.”

Resting in her grandmother’s embrace, Shen Yanxi felt as if, in the bleakest winter, she had finally found a shred of warmth and solace.

“Grandmother…”