Chapter 11: It’s Not Like I Care Anyway

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On the return journey, Shi Shouxin took the Zhiguan Road, then crossed the river at Mengjin Ferry before making his way to Luoyang. When he boarded the boat, his hand never once left the hilt of his sword.

His conduct frightened the boatman so badly that the man dared not look back even once. Trembling from start to finish, he rowed them to the opposite bank. Only after Shi Shouxin and the other two had disembarked did he stare at the five-zhu coins in his hand and let out a long, inward sigh of relief, as though he had narrowly escaped death.

After the boatman departed, Shi Shouxin stood gazing blankly at Mengjin Ferry and did not move for a long while.

“My lord, Luoyang lies not far to the south. Why have we stopped?”

Xigou asked in a low voice.

Xu Ying, dressed in a cloth robe and disguised as a man, also turned her eyes toward Shi Shouxin. Though she said nothing, she was wondering the same thing as Xigou.

Throughout the journey, Shi Shouxin had taken excellent care of her, yet he had never made the slightest improper advance. Xu Ying could not help feeling bitterly that she had once chosen the wrong man. If her former husband, Lü An, had possessed even half of Shi Shouxin’s sense of responsibility and wisdom, how could she have ended up in her present plight?

All along the road, Xu Ying had secretly hoped that Shi Shouxin would take her into his arms at night. She would then offer him a willing kiss, and surely the two of them would become increasingly passionate until they finally consummated the relationship.

Once they returned to Luoyang, she would follow Shi Shouxin. Becoming his concubine would not be so bad.

Yet Shi Shouxin had deliberately kept his distance from her. Even Xigou, his household servant, could no longer bear to watch. Several times along the way, he had urged Shi Shouxin not to waste such a fine opportunity and to act without hesitation.

Xu Ying felt that she had made her intentions perfectly clear. Every word she spoke, every hint she dropped, suggested that she would not object to becoming Shi Shouxin’s concubine. She would leave everything to his arrangement.

“This ferry frightens both the travelers and the boatmen,” Shi Shouxin said with folded arms, his voice filled with emotion. “Whenever the wind rises and the waves grow violent, an entire boatload of people may perish. It would be wonderful if a bridge could be built here.”

“My lord, the river is so wide at Mengjin Ferry. A pontoon bridge would be easy enough to construct, but grain barges still travel down from upstream, so a floating bridge could never remain in place for long.

“If we built an ordinary bridge, however, it would be extremely difficult to drive piles into the middle of the river. How would its foundations be supported?”

Xigou asked curiously.

He had followed Shi Shouxin as an “apprentice” for two years and could now be considered half an engineer. The greatest difficulty in building a bridge at Mengjin Ferry was precisely how to lay the foundations of the piers in the middle of the Yellow River.

Once that problem was solved, everything else would be easy.

Xu Ying stole a glance at Shi Shouxin. His broad and imposing bearing left her heart pounding, and she was beginning to lose all composure.

This was what a true great man looked like.

“Enough. Let us go home first. When I see Duke Yang, I will speak with him about building a bridge at Mengjin. If it can be done, it will at least make life easier for the people on both banks.”

Shi Shouxin sighed and turned to leave.

Xu Ying quietly caught hold of Xigou’s sleeve and asked in a low voice, “What sort of person is my lord’s wife?”

Xigou looked her up and down, then muttered in the same low voice, “The principal lady is wonderful. Many people thought it a pity when she married beneath her station. My lord is deeply grateful for her kindness, and the two of them are so close they might as well share a single garment. Do not let your thoughts run wild. That is not something you should be thinking about.”

Xu Ying’s heart turned bitter, and she fell silent.

What hope could she possibly have? Shi Shouxin’s father-in-law was the Chief Imperial Censor.

Perhaps he had heard Xigou muttering, for Shi Shouxin turned and shouted at the servant, “Other people’s servants go ahead to clear the road, while you trail behind gossiping. What are you waiting for? Come and lead the horses!”

Xigou hurried forward, not daring to say another word.

When Xu Ying caught up, Shi Shouxin said to her, “You have blisters on your feet after all these days. Mount the horse. We are almost in Luoyang.”

He crossed his hands and indicated that she should step onto them to mount.

“I am not accustomed to riding. Please help lift me up, my lord,” Xu Ying said softly, a sly glimmer passing through her eyes.

Shi Shouxin had no choice but to support her. His hands caught her full, peach-like buttocks and lifted her onto the horse. By the time she was seated, the young woman’s cheeks had turned crimson with embarrassment.

Some men were not only handsome and masculine; their personal charm was utterly irresistible.

Xu Ying did not know whether she would ever have a chance. But if one came, she would certainly seize it. Having suffered one great misfortune already, she was determined to make an effort this time. Even if she became a concubine, she would accept it.

At dusk, the party finally reached their home on the outskirts of Luoyang. Xigou ran ahead shouting, as though afraid no one would know that Shi Shouxin had returned.

Li Wan still wore an apron tied around her waist as she rushed out of the courtyard. She did not notice Xu Ying sitting on the horse. The instant she saw Shi Shouxin, she leapt into his arms, and the two of them embraced and spun around for a long while.

“Let me see whether my lord has lost weight. Why are you so tanned? Xigou, you must have been slacking off! Didn’t I tell you to take good care of him?”

Li Wan planted her hands on her hips and pointed at Xigou. Only then did she notice that a woman was sitting on the horse Shi Shouxin was leading.

“Eh?”

The smile gradually faded from Li Wan’s face. Shi Shouxin stepped forward, pinched her cheek, and said softly, “I nearly died on the way back this time. I’ll tell you everything inside. The lady on the horse will stay here tonight. Tomorrow I will take her to see Duke Yang.”

At once, Li Wan’s worry turned to delight. She seized Shi Shouxin’s hand and pulled him toward the bedchamber.

Xu Ying dismounted with practiced ease. She seemed to have no trouble mounting or dismounting under her own strength.

Watching the happy pair disappear, she began to understand why, on those lonely nights, Shi Shouxin had never touched her.

After dismissing the household servants, Shi Shouxin brought Xu Ying into the main hall, where he and Li Wan sat with her around the dining table.

“This time, the men I sent with the recruitment edicts included not only Ji Kang but also a man named Lü Xun.

“This lady, Xu Ying, is Lü Xun’s younger sister-in-law. Well, she was. She is no longer.

“To curry favor with me, Lü Xun drugged Xu Ying and sent her to my bedchamber, asking whether I wished to enjoy her favors.

“I feared that Lü Xun intended to harm me, and I was also afraid that Xu Ying would be violated. So I pretended to go along with him, and afterward I…”

Shi Shouxin poured out the entire story in one breath.

Li Wan’s eyes widened in disbelief.

In her mind, Sima Yan, who had always buzzed around her like a fly, was already irritating enough. Yet compared with Lü Xun, even Sima Yan seemed a man of noble character.

At least Sima Yan had merely played childish tricks in the past, such as peeking at her while she bathed. If he had truly abandoned all decency and used despicable means to get Li Wan into bed, it probably would not have been difficult for him.

“Lady Li, everything my benefactor has said is true. I have now been divorced and have no face to return home. It was only through my benefactor’s rescue that I escaped. I am willing to serve as a slave or maid without complaint.”

Xu Ying pleaded softly.

Her meaning was now perfectly explicit. Li Wan was no fool. She sighed and said, “Then stay here and become my husband’s concubine. I am often bored when I am alone at home. It will be nice to have someone else to talk to.”

Since fate had brought them together, Li Wan was not an unreasonable woman. Among men who held office, unless a man was incapable of fathering children, what household did not take concubines?

Even for the sake of continuing the family line, taking a concubine was practically essential.

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At present, she was the only principal wife in the household, with no concubine at all. If word of that spread, outsiders would gossip about her.

“Whether I take a concubine or not, you have already decided for me?”

Shi Shouxin stared at Li Wan in astonishment.

“Um, I am not objecting, am I? What more do you want, my lord? Wouldn’t it be better to have another person in the household?”

Li Wan complained aggrievedly.

“You truly think too much.”

Shi Shouxin waved his hand and turned to Xu Ying with a solemn expression. “I promised to make proper arrangements for you, but proper arrangements do not mean taking you as my concubine. Tomorrow you will come with me to Duke Yang’s residence. Everything will be decided then.”

“I will obey your instructions, benefactor,” Xu Ying said softly, inwardly groaning.

What kind of situation was this? The principal wife had agreed, yet the husband refused.

But she could do nothing about it. The more Shi Shouxin behaved in this manner, the more determined she became to have him. Otherwise, who else could she trust?

The frustration of wanting something and being unable to obtain it had nearly driven her mad throughout the journey.

At this point, Xu Ying was almost ready to strip naked and crawl into Shi Shouxin’s bed. She was certain that this great man had long since understood her intentions.

And yet he insisted on pretending not to know.

How infuriating. Everyone wanted a good thing once they saw one. She was furious—truly furious.

“You will sleep in the guest room tonight,” Shi Shouxin told Xu Ying gently. “There is no one strange in this household. You need not fear anything like what happened in the Lü residence.”

…

Early the next morning, Shi Shouxin, refreshed and invigorated, saw that Xu Ying had dark circles beneath both eyes. He asked in puzzlement, “Lady Xu, did you sleep poorly last night? The bed should have been comfortable enough.”

“After traveling for so long, I suddenly find it difficult to adjust to comfort,” Xu Ying replied with an awkward smile.

The previous night, Shi Shouxin and Li Wan had made love in their bedchamber by torchlight. The man who had always appeared so serious in Xu Ying’s presence became an entirely different person when he was with his beloved wife. During their lovemaking, he had even said that if the lamps were extinguished, he would not be able to see his wife’s beauty.

The two of them had been so passionate in bed that it seemed they might burn the whole room down.

Xu Ying had secretly watched from outside the window for a long time. Only then did she understand that a man capable of remaining unmoved in the presence of a beautiful woman simply did not exist.

Shi Shouxin was not merely unskilled or reserved. He was exceptionally knowledgeable about lovemaking, and his many techniques had opened Xu Ying’s eyes. He had simply refused to lay a hand on an “outsider” like her. That did not mean he was any less enthusiastic with his wife.

“Where is Lady Li? I haven’t seen her.”

Xu Ying asked deliberately.

Shi Shouxin waved his hand lightly. “She is a little tired. Let her sleep a while longer.”

Of course she was tired. How could she not be? Xu Ying had felt exhausted just watching them from outside.

She envied Li Wan intensely.

She obediently followed Shi Shouxin into Luoyang. Xu Ying looked left and right, for this was her first visit to Luoyang and the first time she had ever seen such a vast city.

When they reached Yang Hu’s residence, they found him practicing swordsmanship in the courtyard. He had no official business that day and did not need to report to the Office of the Lesser Treasury.

When Yang Hu saw Shi Shouxin arrive with a charming and alluring young woman, he immediately pulled him aside.

“Shi Gandang, I have a wife myself. She belongs to the Xiahou clan, but my father-in-law fled to Shu after offending the Sima family. For that reason, I cannot bring her to Luoyang, lest the Grand General draw the wrong conclusion.

“I truly have no interest in women. This young lady is beautiful, so you may take her as your concubine yourself. So long as Lady Li agrees, no one will say anything.

“But if you were to hide her here with me, that would be highly inappropriate. Whether you give her to me or have her live here as your mistress, neither would be acceptable.”

Yang Hu assumed that Shi Shouxin was reluctant to take a concubine yet unwilling to part with the beauty, and had therefore brought her to his home for an illicit arrangement.

But such a thing could not be done. He was close with Li Yin and with both Shi Shouxin and Li Wan. They saw one another constantly. If the truth came out, everyone would die of embarrassment.

“Duke Yang, it is not like that. The matter is rather complicated. I wish for this lady to meet your elder sister and see whether she might be willing to take her in.”

Shi Shouxin lowered his voice, trying not to let Xu Ying hear.

Yang Hu suddenly understood. He nodded thoughtfully. In truth, he too felt that the maid serving his elder sister, Yang Huiyu, was somewhat coarse.

She was competent enough at practical work, but she understood nothing of the accomplishments expected of a cultivated person.

The beauty before him clearly came from an official family. As a maid to grind ink and copy texts for his elder sister, she would be more than qualified.

“My elder sister has gone to the Grand General’s residence. She may not return for a while.”

Yang Hu spoke thoughtfully. Yang Huiyu appeared to have gone to discuss something with Sima Zhao and had left the residence early that morning.

The three of them chatted and played cards. It was the “Three Kingdoms” deck invented by Shi Shouxin, consisting of fifty-four cards. With three players, the rules were much like those of landlord.

Xu Ying was very clever. After hearing the rules only once, she understood them completely, and before long the three players were evenly matched.

Yang Hu could not help looking at her with new respect.

In his mind, Shi Shouxin was a man of extraordinary intelligence. If Xu Ying could win games against him, then she was certainly no fool.

Before long, Yang Huiyu returned, fuming with anger.

That day she had gone to the Grand General’s residence to persuade Sima Zhao not to appoint Zhong Hui as commander for the campaign against Shu.

After all her efforts, Sima Zhao had given her only one answer: “Sister-in-law, even you have come to persuade me? Hundreds of people have already tried before you. But among those who fully support my campaign against Shu, only Zhong Hui possesses sufficient weight and ability. If I do not choose him, whom else can I choose?”

Yang Huiyu had been left speechless.

She could advise against appointing Zhong Hui, but if she recommended someone else, Sima Zhao would likely grow suspicious of her.

Some things could not be said, and some suggestions could not even be voiced. Thus, after offering a few perfunctory remarks, Yang Huiyu had left.

“Well, you’ve returned from Hedong? After such a long separation, shouldn’t you be at home enjoying your reunion with your wife? What brings you here?”

Yang Huiyu cast a glance at Shi Shouxin, and delight flashed briefly across her face.

Yet the words she spoke were mocking, edged with unmistakable sharpness.

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“Elder Sister, Shi Gandang has come to ask for your help. This is not the place to discuss it. Why don’t we go to the study?”

Yang Hu suggested in a low voice. He felt that his sister’s words were rather impolite. Shi Shouxin had done nothing to offend her. Why needle him the moment they met?

“Very well. The Grand General nearly made me furious enough to die today.”

Grumbling, Yang Huiyu led them all into the study of Yang Hu’s residence.

She looked at Xu Ying, lovely as a flower, then at Shi Shouxin, whose expression remained calm. She could not understand what sort of performance this was supposed to be.

“You are not planning to take a concubine, are you? And your wife refused, so you came here to ask us to mediate?”

Yang Huiyu asked with a strange look on her face. Her tone was teasing, but an inexplicable irritation stirred in her heart.

“No. The matter is as follows.”

Shi Shouxin recounted everything that had happened at Lü Xun’s residence to Yang Hu and Yang Huiyu. When he finished, both of them turned toward Xu Ying, their faces filled with disbelief.

Such vile and depraved acts usually existed only in the realm of rumor and legend. This was the first time either of them had heard of such a thing happening to someone they knew.

“Is everything Shi Gandang has said true?”

Yang Huiyu’s face became as cold as still water as she looked at Xu Ying.

A person’s bearing was shaped by the company they kept and the life they led. As Sima Shi’s second wife, and as someone who could offer advice to Sima Zhao, Yang Huiyu possessed an undeniable presence.

Xu Ying instantly felt the pressure.

This woman was nothing like Shi Shouxin’s principal wife, Li Wan, who was so easygoing.

“Everything Benefactor Shi has said is true. He has behaved with perfect propriety toward me throughout the journey and has never overstepped the bounds.”

Xu Ying spoke with absolute certainty.

Then she suddenly remembered the moment Shi Shouxin had lifted her onto the horse the previous day, when his large hands had pressed against her rounded buttocks. An odd sensation stirred within her, and her face flushed crimson.

“Lady Xu is truly pitiable,” Shi Shouxin said to Yang Huiyu with a respectful bow. “She has been well educated since childhood, can write and paint, and would serve you with complete devotion and gratitude.

“I hope you will take her in.”

The way he addressed her as “Lady Huiyu” pleased Yang Huiyu greatly. She glanced at Xu Ying, then at Yang Hu, and asked the latter, “What do you think, Younger Brother?”

“It would be an excellent way to fulfill Shi Gandang’s sense of duty. Moreover, I have a feeling that this matter may yet lead to complications. It would be better for Lady Xu to remain at Elder Sister’s side, where she will have someone to rely on.”

Yang Hu nodded.

“You two wait outside. I have something to ask Shi Gandang before I make my decision.”

Yang Huiyu ordered Yang Hu.

Since she had spoken so plainly, Yang Hu had no choice but to lead Xu Ying out of the study and wait outside.

Once they had left, Yang Huiyu asked, “This woman’s feelings for you are written all over her face. Why not take her as your concubine? The trouble began because of you, so naturally you should be the one to bring it to an end. She practically wants to throw herself into your arms. Can you truly not see it?”

Her gaze was keen enough to see through anything.

Xu Ying had spent only a handful of years as another man’s wife. At heart, she was still a young woman—indeed, little more than a girl who loved to dream.

A young woman’s love and hatred were written plainly on her face and difficult to conceal.

Yang Huiyu judged Xu Ying by imagining herself in her place. If she had suddenly suffered such a calamity, she too might have fallen utterly in love with the man standing before her.

“I saw it long ago. But this matter may not be over yet. If I take her as my concubine, would that not confirm the Lü family’s slander against me?

“If the Lü family later used this as leverage, I would have no way to defend myself. I am no longer alone. I have a principal wife and two children. How could I fail to consider their safety?”

Shi Shouxin answered with complete seriousness.

“What is one to say about you? You are usually quick-witted enough. How did you fail to realize that you should flee?”

Yang Huiyu asked sternly, her words carrying a distinct note of reproach. She did not seem to have vented all her anger yet and continued, “All of us could testify on your behalf. If the Lü family tried to slander you, they would suffer for it.

“Are you afraid that, if you fled, Lü Xun would go everywhere spreading malicious stories about you?”

Seeing that Shi Shouxin might not believe her, Yang Huiyu deliberately emphasized the point.

In truth, such slander might deceive Lü An, but outsiders would never believe it. To accuse someone of adultery, one needed evidence; to catch adulterers, one had to catch both parties in the act. No one had found them together in bed, so what persuasive force could the accusation have?

“If I had left then, Lady Xu would certainly have been harmed. Lü Xun would have violated her, and there was no escaping that.

“A true man stands tall beneath heaven and upon the earth. How could I behave in such a cowardly and timid manner? Until I had rescued Lady Xu from the tiger’s den, how could I possibly leave?

“As for what other people think, I do not care. Let them say whatever they wish.”

Shi Shouxin spoke with righteous conviction.

“Indeed. A true man should act precisely so.”

Yang Huiyu nodded with a smile. “Then I will keep Lady Xu here. I am genuinely in need of a maid who can write and paint.”

Her spirits seemed to have improved tremendously, and there was even a faint, barely perceptible delight in her expression.

Shi Shouxin had no idea what had lifted her mood so suddenly, but it seemed that the immediate crisis had passed.

He could not help but breathe a sigh of relief.